Tuesday, 2 October 2007
Me and You, today..
Sad. Paralysed. Both.
Me, the feeling to think wrong, to do wrong. Not to be able, sometimes, to control the darkest thoughts of my brain.
I have been told, I don´t accept my happiness. It is more complicated than that. I might have lost the connection to reality, these last few days. I have been caught into a net of totally wrong hypotheses which lead me to horrible conclusions.
I know, I´m good at that, I´m a mathematician with my heart and soul, and my brain seems to find deep satisfaction in the construction of awful abstract buildings, locking me inside to see if I can find the way out..
And then, of course, I shout at You "help me out, help me out!"
You cannot help me out because you cannot see where I am.
I am too complicated, you say.
I am complex, I answer. But for me is this complexity so transparent, I can describe and logically explain each of its elements. But I feel alone within my elements which nobody else recognises...
I have just started to read a book: "The incarnation of Frida K.", a painter too. "I was born in rain, and I will die in rain", And even if I have no idea how I was born and even less how I will die, it is how I feel today. And it is how I make you feel.
Forgive me, please.
You forgive me, always.
And you do much more than that. Suddenly I feel the tenderest lips on my neck whispering the most important words of my life:
"I love you, my Miki..."
I love you too, my Kevin