Me and You, today..

Sad. Paralysed. Both.
Me, the feeling to think wrong, to do wrong. Not to be able, sometimes, to control the darkest thoughts of my brain.
I have been told, I don´t accept my happiness. It is more complicated than that. I might have lost the connection to reality, these last few days. I have been caught into a net of totally wrong hypotheses which lead me to horrible conclusions.
I know, I´m good at that, I´m a mathematician with my heart and soul, and my brain seems to find deep satisfaction in the construction of awful abstract buildings, locking me inside to see if I can find the way out..
And then, of course, I shout at You "help me out, help me out!"
You cannot help me out because you cannot see where I am.
I am too complicated, you say.
I am complex, I answer. But for me is this complexity so transparent, I can describe and logically explain each of its elements. But I feel alone within my elements which nobody else recognises...

I have just started to read a book: "The incarnation of Frida K.", a painter too. "I was born in rain, and I will die in rain", And even if I have no idea how I was born and even less how I will die, it is how I feel today. And it is how I make you feel.

Forgive me, please.

You forgive me, always.

And you do much more than that. Suddenly I feel the tenderest lips on my neck whispering the most important words of my life:
"I love you, my Miki..."

I love you too, my Kevin